New Website

We will be saying goodbye to the Aspidistra blog soon.
But don't worry the new website is up and looks ever so pretty....
Take a look here

http://cargocollective.com/aspidistra

Keep the Aspidistra flying!

Thankyou

We have now made the selection for Aspidistra II.

Quite unexpectedly we had a huge amount of submissions and so it has not been possible to reply individually to those people who were not chosen.

We always enjoy reading/seeing the submissions and wish all those artists and writers the very best.

Thankyou and apologies.

Bella Dear

Aspidistra II

Aspidistra is now looking for submissions to issue 2!

Aspidistra is a magazine of three parts. We are looking to bring words and art of all mediums together to explore interesting nooks and crannies of a philosophical kind. Submissions for issue 2 should fall under the following themes,

1. Persons Unknown

-Collective identity

-Non-identity

-Existing as an outsider

2. Reasonably absurd

-Why did the chicken cross the road?

-Reason vs Madness

3. Perversion in Utopia

-Debasement or subversion of ideals.

-Guns and babes of the future

Successful submissions will be included in the magazine and invited to exhibit at the magazine launch at the end of November. You will also get a free copy of the magazine for all your hard work!

Please send work to aspidistra-magazine@live.co.uk . Emails should be titled with the chapter you would like to submit to eg. Persons Unknown, Reasonably Absurd or Perversion in Utopia. Include your name and a brief sentence about yourself. Images should be sent as Jpegs and bare in mind that Aspidistra is printed in black and white. Stories or articles should be no more than 3000 words and poetry under 40 lines. Please make sure word documents are NOT docX files as we cannot read them. Final submission deadline is 10th November. We try to acknowledge all submissions within a week and the final content will be decided by the end of November.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Keep the Aspidistra flying!

Bella Dear.

Erotic Fan Fiction | Countdown

'Jeff Stelling knows my power'

"... consonant please Rachel ... a vowel please ... another consonant please Rachel"

I finish my request for the letters in this round of Countdown. The clock ticks and silence falls over the studio. After 30 seconds, I look up and see Rachel Riley in her tiny black cocktail dress. Her thighs like tender Tasty Bake sausage meat.

"Well, my word. I've never seen anything like this before!" said Rachel.

There it was, on the Countdown board, 'A R S E G A M E S'. I didn't even notice. I had been transfixed by Rachel Riley, Countdown's one and only perky princess - no, no one likes Susie Dent. And I had never been a fan of Carol Vorderman. I never achieved full tumescence when admiring Carol. No, she was not the erotic algebraist for me. Rachel is my girl.

"Never before ... " Rachel repeated. "Not even that time 'C U N T F L A P S' came up and it might have been a vicar who picked the letters ... Would you like to see something else, that we've never seen on Countdown before?"

I can't take my eyes off of her as she pulls her dress down, revealing her pert pale bosom, in front of the whole studio. No one complains. Not even Jeff, in fact he seems to be enjoying himself. He is arched forward, panting, and staring intensely at Rachel, beads of sweat on his forehead, one hand clenching the desk, the other hand rummaging for his keys .

Rachel then turns around, revealing her dusty pert buttocks. Jeff then stands up, his junk hard in his hand, proud in the hot studio. He looks ready to run over and treat Rachel to particularly hard 'ANAL-gram'.

"No Jeff ... she's mine" I punch Jeff Stelling, and stride over to Rachel. With one motion I am inside her, asking for more 'cuntsonants'. I am fully tumescent. She knows this and she feels me.

The producers must be very impressed by my power, because they turn on the famous Countdown clock. As it ticks down I am jackhammering into Rachel Riley. Rachel Riley likes this, I tell her to say her favourite dirty words,

"Coitus ... fornicate ... engorged". She goes on, "boff ... "

I tell her "Boff is not a word, it is a colloquialism". She knows my power.

She is moaning hard. I tell her to get on her knees. I will now deliver the final score, all up Rachel Riley.

My cum is a torrent, all over Rachel ... and the letters board. I know they will make me pay to have this cleaned, but I don't care.

Rachel looks up at me and says,

"Your cum made me cum"

Then I look down at her and say,

"Why cum ... when you can ejaculate ... for 9 letters"

Rachel sighs. She knows she will always be mine. The crowd give me a round of applause. Jeff Stelling is vanquished. Susie Dent is probably a lesbian.

Stockists of Aspidistra! Hurrah!

Get your copy of Aspidistra at any of these shops;
(more to follow)

Sister Ray
34-35 Berwick Street
W1F 8RP

London Review Bookshop
14 Bury Place
WC1A 2JL

Rough Trade
Old Truman Brewery
91 Brick Lane
E16QL

Lovely posters to celebrate Issue 1

Aspidistra Issue one

Buy it now online!

Words from the Brutalist Poets, Paul O'Kane, Tony Rickaby, Kirsty Roberts, Kevin Thomas Rogers, Katie Green, Rhys Williams and Igor Wizard

Art from Chloe Bonfield, Peter Caul, Victoria Jenkins, Simon Leary, Myles Painter, Joesph Popper, Milo Reid, Rebecca Sloan and James Trimmer.

All the good stuff for only £3.
Fly the Aspidistra!