Wednesday, 3 March 2010
The Big Men
Matt Damon has managed to smash his way to the top of the Big Man list, one fist to the face at a time. He jumps and rolls and explodes, body riddled with bullets for our viewing pleasure.
It was a touching moment, at the 2008 Oscars, when Bruce Willis placed his rough hands on Damon’s shoulders and handed him a white vest, torn, dirty and splattered with the blood of a hundred terrorists,
‘Go on my son, do us proud,’ he said before blasting a shotgun into Damon’s stomach. Laughing Willis jumped onto the hood of a passing juggernaut and exploded in the dazzling Hollywood sunset. Meanwhile Damon rocks backwards smashing the glass bookshelf behind him and tipping over a fish tank, writhing around in a pool of piranhas he looks at the camera, ‘This isn’t realistic enough!’ he screams, his voice cracking with emotion, and BANG! Wins another Oscar. No one takes any notice though because Vinnie Jones walks in.
‘I really liked him, after watching BB Celebrity.’ Julia Roberts said.