The Past Is A Foreign Country

Quoted from Reuters News UK:

THE PAST IS A FOREIGN COUNTRY (PAUL ZENON DOES THINGS DIFFERENTLY THERE)

Well if that’s true then get out your phrase book because TV's most routine magician, Paul Zenon is establishing the worlds first Time Travel Tourism Company. At a recent press conference Zenon was reluctant to discuss the technical details of time travel, but enthused that we will all soon be packing our bags to enjoy the sun in 17th century Morocco, or take in the lowlands of 9th century Belgium.

Paul Zenon, largely forgotten since the advent of Derren Brown has been making a living with semi-regular guest appearances on Countdown and a long-standing 'magician in residence' slot at the Broadway Theatre in the Lincolnshire seaside slum-town of Skegness. But he is hoping to put all that behind him (or should that be in front of him .ed) by paving the way for a revolutionary new form of vacation adventure.
At a recent press conference Zenon stated:

"Tourism in the past is very different to how it is now. You can't just go to your favorite Spanish resort and expect your egg & chips to be served with a smile. Years ago Spain was a very different country, and if you were to go back there in the first half of the twentieth century you'd be holidaying in a fascist dictatorship! Goose-stepping waiters and leather trench-coats in the hot Spanish sun would put anyone off of their holiday experience!" Zenon quipped, and after finishing laughing at his own joke, wiping the tears from his eyes, added "What I'm saying really is, do your homework before going on holiday in the past."

He then concluded with a tone of severity in his voice, "Especially if you want to go to Italy or Greece or somewhere. They had a lot of mental things happen there."

Zenon is expected to be first to test the time travel machine, carrying out essential checks on its safety and reliability. He was keen to drive home the fact that the technology involved was highly technical and would require his expert knowledge if anything were to go wrong at this early stage in the project. But Zenon seems to think that if he were to accidently be trapped in the past by a faulty time machine then he'd have no problem acclimatizing to any situation he may find himself.

"People in the past, well, they're bound to know a true entertainer when they see one. I'll have no problem fitting in wherever it is I may get stuck".

But, the 'TV' magician is also quick to acknowledge that he is not everyones favorite light entertainer. "Derren Brown, I just don't get it... He's not even a proper magician. And he bloody admits it. I'm a true magician. I use real magic. And that means I've got staying power. Not like Derren Brown. He's just a flash-in-the-pan".

We contacted Derren Brown for a response on the Paul Zenon rivalry. He had this to say:

"I remember the name from telly in the mid 90's I think, but couldn't describe his face. Sorry, I've got to go. I'm absolutely snowed under here. I'm making an attractive student girl forget where she lives this afternoon".

So, in the off chance that Paul Zenon will become stuck in the past, what will be Countdown’s loss certainly Derren Brown's gain.

- REUTERS UK