'Jeff Stelling knows my power'
"... consonant please Rachel ... a vowel please ... another consonant please Rachel"
I finish my request for the letters in this round of Countdown. The clock ticks and silence falls over the studio. After 30 seconds, I look up and see Rachel Riley in her tiny black cocktail dress. Her thighs like tender Tasty Bake sausage meat.
"Well, my word. I've never seen anything like this before!" said Rachel.
There it was, on the Countdown board, 'A R S E G A M E S'. I didn't even notice. I had been transfixed by Rachel Riley, Countdown's one and only perky princess - no, no one likes Susie Dent. And I had never been a fan of Carol Vorderman. I never achieved full tumescence when admiring Carol. No, she was not the erotic algebraist for me. Rachel is my girl.
"Never before ... " Rachel repeated. "Not even that time 'C U N T F L A P S' came up and it might have been a vicar who picked the letters ... Would you like to see something else, that we've never seen on Countdown before?"
I can't take my eyes off of her as she pulls her dress down, revealing her pert pale bosom, in front of the whole studio. No one complains. Not even Jeff, in fact he seems to be enjoying himself. He is arched forward, panting, and staring intensely at Rachel, beads of sweat on his forehead, one hand clenching the desk, the other hand rummaging for his keys .
Rachel then turns around, revealing her dusty pert buttocks. Jeff then stands up, his junk hard in his hand, proud in the hot studio. He looks ready to run over and treat Rachel to particularly hard 'ANAL-gram'.
"No Jeff ... she's mine" I punch Jeff Stelling, and stride over to Rachel. With one motion I am inside her, asking for more 'cuntsonants'. I am fully tumescent. She knows this and she feels me.
The producers must be very impressed by my power, because they turn on the famous Countdown clock. As it ticks down I am jackhammering into Rachel Riley. Rachel Riley likes this, I tell her to say her favourite dirty words,
"Coitus ... fornicate ... engorged". She goes on, "boff ... "
I tell her "Boff is not a word, it is a colloquialism". She knows my power.
She is moaning hard. I tell her to get on her knees. I will now deliver the final score, all up Rachel Riley.
My cum is a torrent, all over Rachel ... and the letters board. I know they will make me pay to have this cleaned, but I don't care.
Rachel looks up at me and says,
"Your cum made me cum"
Then I look down at her and say,
"Why cum ... when you can ejaculate ... for 9 letters"
Rachel sighs. She knows she will always be mine. The crowd give me a round of applause. Jeff Stelling is vanquished. Susie Dent is probably a lesbian.